The show starts off with the build up from last season's cliffhanger revolving around Cartman's paternal origins. However, just as it seems they are about to get on with the second half of "Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut," they do a 180 degree turn-around and reveal that for April Fool's Day they will be showing Terrance & Phillip in "Not Without My Anus".
A co-worker shows interest in Matt after he's enrolled in a management-trainee program.
Brandon works on a story with a pompous Pulitzer-Prize-winning reporter. Kelly gets a developmentally disabled young man a position at the clinic, where he freaks out after making a minor mistake. Kelly convinces Brandon to let Chris join the reporter and him on the ice at a Los Angeles Kings practice, but Raitt leaves town to work on another story. Brandon helps Chris get a dream job at a friend's ice skating rink. In order to pay his taxes, David takes a job as a jingle writer. A ballad he had written for Valerie ends up in a deodorant commercial. Steve realizes that he and Jill have nothing in common. She dumps him before he has the chance to break things off. Janet has a crush on Steve, but he doesn't seem to get it. Donna discovers that the diamond jewelry that Noah gave her is fake.
Albright's father walks out on his wife and into Sally's life; Harry begins his career as a radio shock jock when he walks into Rutherford College's radio studio and finds it unoccupied.
Griffith's men are sacrificed to the demon's appetites. Guts fights on, at first to save Griffith, then to save himself from the result of Griffith's ambition.
Maxwell's father unexpectedly passes away, and in his will he leaves everything to Concepcion, a secret daughter he had with a flamenco dancer. C.C. is back from the sanatorium and doesn't miss the opportunity of terrifying Fran and trying to split Fran and Maxwell up. Afraid that the Sheffields are going bankrupt, Fran visits Concepcion trying to persuade her to share the money with her siblings, but can't. Knowing what if feels like being poor, Fran tells Maxwell that she'll understand if he decides to marry a rich woman in order to keep his lifestyle. C.C. offers herself to marry Maxwell, but his love for Fran is beyond money. Then Sheffield's lawyer arrives with the news: Concepcion decided to share her money, all because Fran made her feel like family. Niles plays tricks on Ms. Babcock, making her doubt her own sanity.
After Mr. Wick is injured at work during an elaborate and cruel plan to fire an employee, Drew is placed in charge for the week. Drew adopts a "no firing" policy that works wonders until employees start taking advantage of Drew's generosity. The store starts to fall to ruins just as Mrs. Louder's return looms.
The pretense that everything is fine with Greg's parents finally proves too much for Dharma, who snaps during dinner at a Chinese restaurant and has the bad news served to Greg in a fortune cookie (to the absorbed interest of the Chinese family sharing their table). Trying to help the Montgomery's non-existent sex life, Dharma takes Kitty to her local neighborhood erotica store, where they naturally run into Abby and Larry. Greg and Pete take Edward for a drink to commiserate, and Edward demonstrates his ace in pick-up lines: ""Excuse me, young lady, do you have change for a million?"" Meanwhile, Jane has gone off to a Star Trek convention (""I like middle-aged men who are virgins""), leaving her pet Mr. Boots with Dharma and Greg; but Greg freaks out when he discovers that Mr. Boots is not exactly a cat.
The Pope is visiting New York City, leading to spiritual revitalizations for Mike and the mayor. Carter fixes Nikki up with a friend of his. And Paul's turtle is loose in City Hall.
The death of a college student leads to a case involving an HIV-positive male who's seeking to infect as many young women as possible. McCoy, testing right-to-privacy ethics, wants to charge him with murder.
Stardate: Unknown. After receiving some disturbing information from Gul Dukat, Major Kira seeks Sisko's approval as Emissary to travel back in time to find out the truth about her mother. Meanwhile, Chief O'Brien and Dr. Bashir discuss a holosuite program surrounding the Battle of the Alamo.
More bloodhound units arrive and the fight with the violent faction of Byron's followers intensifies until the rogues seize Medlab - with Garibaldi and Franklin in it.
Sipowicz goes to hospital and fears he won't come out. Officer Richardson's wife pours her heart out to Simone and Russell. The squad investigate a bizarre death, involving a dead man in a tub, another with severe electric shock and a teenage girl, who won't say what happened.
While working on a supermarket, Weasel meets a smart banana with the ability of speaking.
Young, urban newlyweds Paul and Jamie Buchman try to sustain their marital bliss while sidestepping the hurdles of love in the '90s.
The cases of Harmon Rabb, former Navy fighter pilot, and his fellow lawyers of the U.S. Navy's Judge Advocate General's office.
On Tool Time, Tim manages to throw himself out a window while doing renovation work. Jill tries to get Tim to help prepare for a tax audit. Brad and Randy become rivals when Brad's article ""Hey Yo!"" takes the spotlight away from Randy's ""Genetic Mutations in the Second Half of the 20th Century.""